Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Tackle]

View attachment 98611

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

A group of friends are on a boozy girls night.

'I call my husband the dentist.  He gives me a right good drilling.'

'I call mine the miner.  He's got a lovely shaft.'

'I call mine the postman.  He comes late and often in the wrong box.'

 

[Shamal]

I finally managed to convince my wife to watch Back to the future.
I tell you what !
It's ... about time.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

The Bayeux Tapestry is not historically accurate.

The whole story has been embroidered!

 

[Lord loki]

Joke 1

three guys In pub talking about dick sizes 

First says I got a 8" dong and flips it on table

Second says I got 10" and flops it on table 

Third says I got 14"and flops it on table 

Gay guy walks in and SAYS OH A HELP YASELF BUFFET"

joke 2

What you nuts on a wall 

Walnuts

What you call nuts on your chest 

Chest nuts 

What you can nuts on your chin 

A mouth full of cock

 

[Madhouse]

on the current dick theme, mine was in the Guinness Book of World Records ... until the librarian told me to leave.

 

[Shamal]

Well mine is shaped like a rocket.....the wife is over the moon!

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

A Yorkshireman goes into a vets.

"It's me cat veterinary.  It's piss smells rotten"

"Is it a tom?"

"No, it's in this basket."

 

[Shamal]

.Absolutely fuming!!!! ???

Just got home to find all of my windows open!
They've taken everything ???

Dirty rotten thieving so and so's!!!! You wait until I find you!!!?
How can people just think they can take what ever they want??

That was MY advent calendar and YOU had no right to open the windows and steal all of my Chocolates.

They were for ME.....?

 

[Jedi_Master]

My nan is really old, and she spends hours just staring through the lounge window.

Sometimes, when it is really cold outside we let her into our house.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I still owe money to Clinton, Gates, Murray & Oddie.

I'm really struggling to pay my Bills.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Dave walked in the pub with a black eye tonight.

'How did that happen?' I asked.

'The Mrs asked if I wanted her to fix a threesome up,' he replied.

'How did that lead to a black eye?' I asked.

'I asked her to call her mum and her sister.'

 

[Shamal]

My mate needed a bone marrow transplant. We found a match in Argentina and the operation was a success.

Our thanks go to Diego marrow donor.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Another wooden ball!

Would it kill the makers of avocado to have other toys?

 

[Shamal]

Another wooden ball!

Would it kill the makers of avocado to have other toys?

Nope. I give up?? Lol

Scientists have discovered that the first two humans were actually cocknies.
Would you Adam and Eve it?

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Nope. I give up?? Lol

Think of Kinder Eggs.   

Uncle Bob came across a photo of his mother in law last night.

Aunt Alice hasn't talked to him since...

 

[Shamal]

17 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

Think of Kinder Eggs.   

Can I stop thinking about kinder eggs now? It's not helping

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Can I stop thinking about kinder eggs now? It's not helping

You get the same 'toy' in the avocado again and again. 

I've got a good joke about trickle down economics; but 99% of you won't get it. 

 

[Madhouse]

I hear Blacks, Millets and Go Outdoors have started a price war.

I think we're in for a winter of discount tents.

 

[Shamal]

Really regretting teaching my dog to play classical music on the piano.
All day long it's Bach, Bach,  Bach, Bach, Bach

You get the same 'toy' in the avocado again and again. 

I've got a good joke about trickle down economics; but 99% of you won't get it. 

Go on then. I'll get it.