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Tell Us a Gag. Please!
- Thread starter Shamal
- Start date
Enid_Puceflange
Members
- Jun 23, 2018
- 2,327
- 2,343
Bloody hell
did you take that from Bernard Manning?
?
did you take that from Bernard Manning?
?
Enid_Puceflange
Members
- Jun 23, 2018
- 2,327
- 2,343
Showing my age ?
Dogsbody100
Members
- Feb 2, 2020
- 145
- 132
There’s no doubt that Micheal Barrymore is gay, I rang his house up the other day and Cliff Richard answered....
G
Guest
Guest
What’s brown and sticky?
a stick!
Whats white and sticky?
a white stick !
What’s yellow and sticky?
custard !
a stick!
Whats white and sticky?
a white stick !
What’s yellow and sticky?
custard !
Adolf Hamster
Supporters
- Feb 1, 2018
- 7,057
- 2,229
went to the optician the other day. been a while thanks to lockdown.
ran through the usual tests but he seemed increasingly concerned as it went on. eventually when it was done he simply sighed.
"what's wrong?" i asked
"bad news i'm afraid" he replied
"oh dear, can i see the results?" i asked with increasing concern in my voice
he answered "i don't think so".....
ran through the usual tests but he seemed increasingly concerned as it went on. eventually when it was done he simply sighed.
"what's wrong?" i asked
"bad news i'm afraid" he replied
"oh dear, can i see the results?" i asked with increasing concern in my voice
he answered "i don't think so".....
Last edited by a moderator:
Dogsbody100
Members
- Feb 2, 2020
- 145
- 132
Enid_Puceflange
Members
- Jun 23, 2018
- 2,327
- 2,343
Two elephants jumped off a cliff
Boom Boom!!
Boom Boom!!
Cannonfodder
Members
- Aug 10, 2020
- 3,442
- 5,359
Why wasn't Jesus born in Hatfield?
They couldn't find any wise men or a virgin
They couldn't find any wise men or a virgin
- Jun 28, 2015
- 4,289
- 1,228
What do Las Vegas and Manchester have in common?
In both cities you can exchange chips for sex
In both cities you can exchange chips for sex
Adolf Hamster
Supporters
- Feb 1, 2018
- 7,057
- 2,229
so a man decides to go for a sunday afternoon drive.
as he's driving along down a windy country road enjoying the scenery a rabbit suddenly darts out of the hedge just ahead of him.
he's not daydreaming so much as to take his eyes off the road he spots it and swerves to avoid hitting it, but alas it's too late and he feels the thump thump as his car hits the animal.
he slams on the brakes in shock screeching to a halt while his mind catches up with events.
he gets out of the car, and being an animal lover he's horrified to see the twisted body of the rabbit lying a few dozen yards back in the road.
he approaches slowly, realizing there is nothing he can do for the poor animal he breaks out in tears, his afternoon ruined.
then another car comes around the corner, a low-slung sports car. seeing him in the road the driver stops and gets out- a beautiful young woman with long blonde hair
"whatever's the matter" she asks him, her voice laced with concern.
"it's all my fault, i'm a horrible person, i killed the rabbit" the man mutters through his sobbing.
the woman looks around, now spotting the mangled ex-rabbit in the road
"don't worry" she says comfortingly, reaching into her handbag and pulling out a spray can.
she then proceeds to spray the entire contents of the can onto the hare.
to the mans shock the rabbit twists and contorts back into a lifelike shape, suddenly springing up full of life. the rabbit raises a paw in the air almost like it was waving at the pair of them.
the rabbit then hops off, apparently unfazed by it's recent ordeal, every few yards it stops and raises its paw as before as if to wave goodbye. it keeps doing this until finally it crests a nearby hillock and dissappears
reality descends again and the man turns to the woman in confusion
"what the hell was that you just did?" he asked, incredulous at this miraculous turn of events.
the woman simply hands him the empty can, he takes it and glances at the label which reads:
"hair spray- restores life to dead hair and adds wave"
plz no ban.....
as he's driving along down a windy country road enjoying the scenery a rabbit suddenly darts out of the hedge just ahead of him.
he's not daydreaming so much as to take his eyes off the road he spots it and swerves to avoid hitting it, but alas it's too late and he feels the thump thump as his car hits the animal.
he slams on the brakes in shock screeching to a halt while his mind catches up with events.
he gets out of the car, and being an animal lover he's horrified to see the twisted body of the rabbit lying a few dozen yards back in the road.
he approaches slowly, realizing there is nothing he can do for the poor animal he breaks out in tears, his afternoon ruined.
then another car comes around the corner, a low-slung sports car. seeing him in the road the driver stops and gets out- a beautiful young woman with long blonde hair
"whatever's the matter" she asks him, her voice laced with concern.
"it's all my fault, i'm a horrible person, i killed the rabbit" the man mutters through his sobbing.
the woman looks around, now spotting the mangled ex-rabbit in the road
"don't worry" she says comfortingly, reaching into her handbag and pulling out a spray can.
she then proceeds to spray the entire contents of the can onto the hare.
to the mans shock the rabbit twists and contorts back into a lifelike shape, suddenly springing up full of life. the rabbit raises a paw in the air almost like it was waving at the pair of them.
the rabbit then hops off, apparently unfazed by it's recent ordeal, every few yards it stops and raises its paw as before as if to wave goodbye. it keeps doing this until finally it crests a nearby hillock and dissappears
reality descends again and the man turns to the woman in confusion
"what the hell was that you just did?" he asked, incredulous at this miraculous turn of events.
the woman simply hands him the empty can, he takes it and glances at the label which reads:
"hair spray- restores life to dead hair and adds wave"
plz no ban.....
Shamal
AF-UK patch owner
- Aug 2, 2020
- 2,830
- 2,878
- Thread starter
- #19
Two friends meet in town.
"Helloo der Patrick" says Mick.
"Helloo yerself den Mick" says Patrick.
"Whats dat in yer bag den?" says Mick.
"Its doughnuts" says Patrick.
"Ahh now,to be sure I'd love a doughnut"says Mick.
"Well now den Mick"says Patrick "if you can quess how many doughnuts are in dis here bag den I will give yerself da both of dem so I will"
Mick concentrates and beads of sweat appear on his forehead.
"Bejesus dis is a tough one but I tink tis tree" He Says.
"Dats close enough to be sure"says Patrick as he hands him the bag.
P.s names have been changed to protect identities.no resemblance to persons living or dead.
Terms and conditions apply.
Please read small print.
P.p.s I had better get a like for all that work! ??
Regards
"Helloo der Patrick" says Mick.
"Helloo yerself den Mick" says Patrick.
"Whats dat in yer bag den?" says Mick.
"Its doughnuts" says Patrick.
"Ahh now,to be sure I'd love a doughnut"says Mick.
"Well now den Mick"says Patrick "if you can quess how many doughnuts are in dis here bag den I will give yerself da both of dem so I will"
Mick concentrates and beads of sweat appear on his forehead.
"Bejesus dis is a tough one but I tink tis tree" He Says.
"Dats close enough to be sure"says Patrick as he hands him the bag.
P.s names have been changed to protect identities.no resemblance to persons living or dead.
Terms and conditions apply.
Please read small print.
P.p.s I had better get a like for all that work! ??
Regards
Adolf Hamster
Supporters
- Feb 1, 2018
- 7,057
- 2,229
only because you didn't immediately call for banning after me last one.
if we're doing jokes do we have any limit as to how dark/offensive/filthy they get or is it a case of let her rip?
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