MOD Early Retirement Scheme

[Nutster]

Shamelessly stolen

MOD Early Retirement Plan

As part of the ongoing financial crisis, MOD has decided to implement a scheme to put all personnel on notice for early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire All Personnel Early).

Personnel selected to be RAPED can apply to their line manager for the SHAFT (Special Help AFter Termination) scheme. Personnel who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will also be reviewed under the SCREW (SCheme for Retired Early Workers) iniative. Any person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice, but may be SCREWED as many times as MOD deems appropriate.

Any person who has been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouses) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel on Early Severance). Obviously, personnel who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by MOD.

Any personnel who manage to avoid being RAPED will receive as much SHlT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. MOD has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives its personnel. Should you feel that you do not get enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your line manager. He or she has been specially trained (Managerial SHlT) to ensure that you get all the SHlT you can handle.

 

[kungfumonkey]

Lmao is this for real?

 

[TheFull9]

Lmao is this for real?

Is that question for real? :huh:

 

[bigshep]

Thats' been around since I was still in. Still quite funny though.

 

[craig]

for what my mate that are still in are saying every one is running to do as many course's as they can

 

[TheFull9]

Depends if you're in the redundancy 'bracket' or not really. I'm not sure how the army do it as they seem to just boot people out as and when they feel like it, but personally unless I failed my fitness test a load of times in a row or did something incredibly stupid then I'm fairly safe from that side of things (until my original contract runs out at least). I know a few raf cpls that've had the unpleasant letter though, for some reason they were the main rank that was targeted.

 

[jaeproductions]

lol.