Popular Post Shamal Posted January 16 Author Popular Post Share Posted January 16 I was doing some biological research on ants and discovered you can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats: boy ant. Tactical Pith Helmet, Skullchewer, Dan Robinson and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 I just watched a sequel to The Passion of the Christ. It's called I Know What You Did Last Supper. Shamal, Cannonfodder and Skullchewer 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 In 3027 years time life will be amazing or really bad. It's 5050 Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 14 minutes ago, Cannonfodder said: In 3027 years time life will be amazing or really bad. It's 5050 Forward thinking at it's best 🙂 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirSniper Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 Had an accident at work and tragically lost three fingers on my hand. Asked the surgeon if I'll still be able to drive, he said "maybe, but I wouldn't count on it" Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 17 Author Share Posted January 17 Went to interview for new job.manager said "the starting pay is £30,000, Later it can go up to £50,000." "That's Great" I said I’ll start later.” Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Tackle Posted January 17 Supporters Share Posted January 17 Cannonfodder, John_W, Shamal and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Tackle Posted January 18 Supporters Share Posted January 18 The Waco Kid, Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirSniper Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, ’Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?' He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.' She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for only £20.00. She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Mastercard,' he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be £34.50 please..' The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for £20.00? How did you get £34.50?' He replies, 'Yes, that's correct. The rod and reel is £20.00, but the Duck Call is £11.00 and the Mosquito Repellent is £3.50. Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Greta Thunberg has been arrested by German police. They plan to let her off with a warming. Shamal, AirSniper and The Waco Kid 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 18 Author Share Posted January 18 Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud. Shit. Times have changed. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 I'm not saying that cuts to the army are severe at the moment, but these days two's company and three's a battalion... AirSniper, Shamal, John_W and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 I asked my other half why all her knickers have flowers on them. She replied "it's where the accident happened" John_W, Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Waco Kid Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) I asked my wife why her knickers were labelled C & A. She said it’s so she knows which way round they go. Edited January 19 by The Waco Kid Tackle, Shamal and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5. The Waco Kid, Tactical Pith Helmet and John_W 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Waco Kid Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 Thing is that would be any idea put forward at by my local council.🤨 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirSniper Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 Shamal, John_W and The Waco Kid 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 21 Author Share Posted January 21 The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe. Look towards the sky. What you see?” The Lone Ranger replies “I see millions of stars.” “And what does that tell you?” asks Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders this for a minute and then says “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell you, Tonto?” Tonto fixes the Lone Ranger with a steely glare and replies “It tells that you are dumber than buffalo crap. It means that someone's stolen our tent! Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 Some people are never happy. My mate Dave has sex a couple of times a day, visits the gym every other day, reads two good books a week, is never on his own, and still doesn't like prison. Shamal and John_W 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 21 Author Share Posted January 21 Well my son was sent to jail once. He screamed,he swore,wouldn't eat and smeared excrement on the walls...... We never played Monopoly again! Tactical Pith Helmet and John_W 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine. I’m ageing like milk: Getting sour and chunky Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 If you want to know how many bees Noah had... Check the ark hives. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 I've joined a dating app for arsonists. Every day they send you new matches. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 25 Author Share Posted January 25 I got on the number 925 bus from Woking the other day. I said to the driver “What a way to make a living” Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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