Jump to content

Tell Us a Gag. Please!


Shamal
 Share

Recommended Posts

In retrospect I wish now I'd bought my cans of baked beans on line;
Heinz site is a wonderful thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

58 minutes ago, Shamal said:

In retrospect I wish now I'd bought my cans of baked beans on line;
Heinz site is a wonderful thing.

Jesus wept!  😅

 

 

 

Lollipop ladies.  They make me cross.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see that the new Queen is going to be a man.

 

Will this woke nonsense ever end?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I saw a sleepwalking nun last night.

 

 

'Must be a roamin’ Catholic,' I thought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A pair of Peruvian owls have been introduced at Marwell zoo.  They had to have two of them due to them hunting in pairs, that’s because they’re Inca hoots.🦉🦉

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She opened the door in her nighty. 

 

That's an odd place for a door I thought.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

34 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

She opened the door in her nighty. 

 

That's an odd place for a door I thought.   

Haha drum roll.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Spending my entire weekend bobsleighing.

 

I can't tell you how much I hate people called Bob.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

Spending my entire weekend bobsleighing.

 

I can't tell you how much I hate people called Bob.   

Reminds me of the dude in the sea with no arms and legs, I imagine it may be you who put him in that predicament.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you know, if you have a sore back and you rub some olive oil and a bit of sea salt into it, it will feel instantly greasier and grittier!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I went to see the doctor and he told me he was sending me to see a cardiologist.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with the one I was wearing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings

 

Still not as sensitive as an airsofter on social media 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If there are that many how come I can't even find one 🤔

Edited by Shamal
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We don't know how the present generation will present our age in years to come as history.

 

We can be pretty certain that it will have appalling spelling though. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Working in the local Glue Factory, I’ve noticed they are very strict,  they have very specific rules you have to adhere to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

Saw two peanuts walking down the street today.

 

One was a salted.

🤦

Link to comment
Share on other sites

48 minutes ago, Shamal said:

🤦

You don't know how deep the bottom of this barrel is...

 

Mwahahaha!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So happy, my oldest pig wasn’t in good health but a bloke at the farmers market said if I come back in 28 days he’ll be cured.🙂🐷

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, "Can I have a pint please, but not Stella. I had ten pints of it last night and ended up fucking skint.

 

The barman says, "But it's only £3 a pint." 

 

The man replies, "I know. Skint's my dog!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...