Shamal Posted May 6, 2022 Author Share Posted May 6, 2022 Being an old fart, I don't know how to post links but check out you tube for 'whats the time eccles' I think it's funny.😂 Regards 2 minutes ago, Tackle said: LOL, glad it wasn't just me then🤔 I was gonna pm ya for a heads up but after 6 hours I had a light bulb moment lol Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 7, 2022 Author Share Posted May 7, 2022 Out on our walk this morning, I decided to throw a ball for my dog. I know it’s a bit extravagant, but he does look awesome in a tuxedo! 😉 Nixon, Tactical Pith Helmet, John_W and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 8, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted May 8, 2022 Scientists in Texas have discovered the leading cause of dry skin. They're called towels. Floperator, John_W, Tackle and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted May 9, 2022 Author Popular Post Share Posted May 9, 2022 Just had a policeman come to our door, saying he was looking for a man with one eye. I tried to be helpful and do my my bit for the community, by suggesting he used both eyes, as he might find him a lot quicker. John_W, Cannonfodder, Skullchewer and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 9, 2022 Share Posted May 9, 2022 Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday! Cannonfodder, Samurai, John_W and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 10 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday! Is that the voice of experience there? Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Head Moderator Jedi_Master Posted May 10, 2022 Head Moderator Share Posted May 10, 2022 I purchased the new U2 satnav. It was useless. The streets have no name, and I still cannot find what I am looking for. Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet, Tackle and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 Haven't they suffered enough? Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 German jokes - they're no laughing matter. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John_W Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 On 10/05/2022 at 15:29, Jedi_Master said: I purchased the new U2 satnav. It was useless. The streets have no name, and I still cannot find what I am looking for. Don't get the AC/DC version. I ended up on a Highway to Hell. Shamal, Jedi_Master and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 11, 2022 Author Share Posted May 11, 2022 I think my contactless bank card is broken. Mrs shamal asked to borrow it today and when I said no she whacked me! Definitely not contactless.🤕 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 A sports therapist who lives near me has just been arrested for drug dealing. Just goes to show that you never really know a person. Five years I've been going to see him and I never even knew he was a sports therapist. Shamal, Tackle, Cannonfodder and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 12, 2022 Author Share Posted May 12, 2022 I put my phone under my pillow last night. When I woke up it was gone and there was a pound coin in it's place. I hate that fuckin Bluetooth fairy! Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 12, 2022 Share Posted May 12, 2022 Canapé: a term describing a bankrupt Scotsman. Shamal and Enid_Puceflange 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 13, 2022 Author Share Posted May 13, 2022 My wife just found some letters I was hiding. She said she felt betrayed and could never trust me again. I was so ashamed. I felt like a fool and I felt so bad. She said she would never play scrabble with me again after that.☹️ Jedi_Master and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 14, 2022 Share Posted May 14, 2022 What if there were no hypothetical questions? Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 14, 2022 Share Posted May 14, 2022 Sad news that a woman has died after an accident involving her obsession with taking her own picture alongside boiling kettles. Psychologists claim that she may have had serious selfie steam issues. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 15, 2022 Author Share Posted May 15, 2022 8 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Sad news that a woman has died after an accident involving her obsession with taking her own picture alongside boiling kettles. Psychologists claim that she may have had serious selfie steam issues. 🤦! If alcohol can damage your short term memory...err .. imagine the damage alcohol can do. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 15, 2022 Share Posted May 15, 2022 I went to the doctor today. The issue is that I can't pronounce the sounds F and TH. 'But I do my best to get by,' I told him. 'You can't say fairer than that,' he replied. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 16, 2022 Author Share Posted May 16, 2022 18 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: I went to the doctor today. The issue is that I can't pronounce the sounds F and TH. 'But I do my best to get by,' I told him. 'You can't say fairer than that,' he replied. I think we are getting near the bottom of the gag bag now 😃😃 Can somebody give me some advice on getting a tattoo please. I am wondering how much it hurts, but I’ve been told it depends on what area. I’m in Lovedean, if that helps.🤔 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted May 16, 2022 Share Posted May 16, 2022 I watched a documentary on magic mushrooms yesterday and it was very interesting. In fact I'm going to watch all documentaries that way in future Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 16, 2022 Author Share Posted May 16, 2022 Well I watched a documentary on the Northern lights. I never new that Manchester had four thousand and fifty street lights.😉 Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 16, 2022 Share Posted May 16, 2022 Saw a really good radio at a bargain price today. The man in the shop said that it was half price as the volume switch was stuck. 'I can't turn that down,' I thought. Shamal and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 😷A German guy called Helmut approaches a lady of the night in London . "I vish to buy sex viz you." "Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour." "Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky." "No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10." Helmut agrees. So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. "I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees." The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested. "Now you vill get down on your hans und knees." This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs. "You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you." She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying). But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it's several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?" "Zat," replies the German, "is ze Four-sprung Duck Technique 😂😂😷 Tackle, Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 I’ve been asked to promote the local "Birds of Prey” society musical evening of classics. All the instruments will be played by the Hawks. Yes it will be an all kestrel piece 🤪 Tactical Pith Helmet and SBoardley 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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