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Tell Us a Gag. Please!


Shamal
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Got home from work today and wife was still on e-bay!

If she is still on there tomorrow I'm gonna have to drop the price lol.

 

Love her lots really. She is the butt of most of my jokes( and other activities but that's personal) 😄😄

 

Regards 

 

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Just heard that our Residents Association are having a meeting about some weirdo who lives on our road 🤔


My invitation got lost probably that'll be what's happened. 🤔

 

regards 

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We went to one of those weird fetish restaurants tonight.  

 

The waiter was insistent that the special was fantastic, but I didn't order it.

 

I really didn't fancy getting Toed in the Hole.  

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Doh!! Lol

The local secondary school has announced that it is changing its academy status.  Going forward it will be part of the IKEA academy.

Standards of teaching will definitely improve, but assembly will now take much longer.

Regards 

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Hey @SkullchewerI can combine two of your gags......

 

I actually have a twelve inch penis......but I don't use it as a rule. 

 

Regards 

 

 

Edited by Shamal
Spelin
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I went to the library today and asked for a suicide manual. 

 

'You're not booking it out on your ticket,' snapped the librarian. 

 

'Whyever not?' I asked.

 

'Because you won't bring the bloody thing back...'

 

Edited by Tactical Pith Helmet
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There was a documentary about kids with weird names that I watched with keen interest. And Keen Interest said to me, "Dad……."

 

Regards 

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It' been a very strange day. First I found a hat full of money, then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar!

🎸 

Mad or what 😀

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Haha. Well I got banned for pissing in the swinning baths.

"Everybody does it" I complained to the attendant.

"Not from the top diving board they don't!" he replied. 

 

Regards 

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Haha. Well my grandad was in the war and had a good collection of German memorabilia.

When I was seven I asked if I could see his German helmet.

"Yeah it's in the loft behind the tank" 

My eyes widened "you got a fucking tank!??"

 

😉

Edited by Shamal
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Well my grandad downed 6 Me109s in a day during the Battle of Britain

 

It was this point he was kicked out of the maintenance department of the Luftwaffe

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11 hours ago, Skullchewer said:

In his final high school exam, my Granddad got 7 C's

So he became a pirate.

In my final gcse exams I got all 'A's....Away,Atrocious,Abysmal and Absolute crap!

 

🤭 

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How the heck did you find that?

Funny really cause yesterday It was mentioned about Mr Tackles penchant for feathers 🤣🤣🤣

 

Regards 

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