Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 Me: “I’m stuck on a crossword clue 'Overworked Postman' can you help me?” My Wife: “Sure, how many letters?” Me: “I’m guessing too many.” Cannonfodder, HaggisHunter and Skullchewer 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 13 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Me: “I’m stuck on a crossword clue 'Overworked Postman' can you help me?” My Wife: “Sure, how many letters?” Me: “I’m guessing too many.” I love you and hate you in equal parts. Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted February 15, 2022 Author Popular Post Share Posted February 15, 2022 I found this wonderful record in the charity shop called ‘natural sounds of wasps’. However, when I got it home and played it, I thought, this sounds nothing like wasps. Then I realised I was playing the B side. Apologies but had to post it I'm off now.... RostokMcSpoons, Tactical Pith Helmet, Skullchewer and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 So I went to the supermarket this morning on my bike and bought a bottle of whiskey. On my way home, it started raining heavily and I thought, if I fell off my bike I might smash the bottle, so I decided to drink it all. It was a good decision. I fell off my bike 5 times before I got home.🚴 Regards RostokMcSpoons, SBoardley, Skullchewer and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Bit of a rough week really lads. Lost my gran on Saturday. Monday I didn't get a Valentine's card from my secret admirer, for the first time in 53 years. Shamal, Skullchewer and SBoardley 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 16, 2022 Author Share Posted February 16, 2022 5 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Bit of a rough week really lads. Lost my gran on Saturday. Monday I didn't get a Valentine's card from my secret admirer, for the first time in 53 years. That's sad though. Sorry about your gran. 🙁 Regards Talking about valentines day though. I was caught in a valentines scam. I ordered some jewelery for my wife but a load of tools and a TV turned up! Beware!! 😉 Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 I was working in my shop when the cashier called me over. He said, 'These two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty pound notes.' 'What did they look like?' I asked. 'Fifty pound notes,' he replied. Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 18, 2022 Author Share Posted February 18, 2022 Hi all. What a bloody awful day. Thought I'd pop along to an elderly neighbour to see if she needed any shopping. She did so I gave her my list. Well pointless both of us getting blown to fuck.😉 Regards SBoardley, Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Elton John has hired a rabbit as his personal trainer. It's a little fit bunny. Tackle, Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 20, 2022 Author Share Posted February 20, 2022 Well talking about animals,my mate has just text me that he has bought a four foot snake....I'm pretty sure it's a lizard.🤔 Regards Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 13 minutes ago, Shamal said: Well talking about animals,my mate has just text me that he has bought a four foot snake....I'm pretty sure it's a lizard.🤔 Regards That actually took me a moment 🤣 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 A British Airways flight reached cruising altitude when the pilot came over the intercom "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to BA fight 121 from Heathrow to New York. The weather forecast is good so we should have a smooth ride, landing at approximately five thir OH FUCK" After a long silence came back on the intercom "I'm sorry if I scared you then ladies and gentlemen, it's just that a flight attendant spilt coffee on my lap. The front of my trousers are ruined" "That's nothing" shouted a passenger, "you should see the back of mine" Skullchewer, Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 There were a couple of pigeons sat on my fence, making a mess, so I shouted at them with a high pitched scream. They both fell off and collapsed to the floor dead. It's true,you can kill two birds with one's tone. 🙂. Regards Zarrin, Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted February 21, 2022 Share Posted February 21, 2022 Please, make it stop 😩 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 21, 2022 Author Share Posted February 21, 2022 OK done now.......😉 Skullchewer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 24, 2022 Share Posted February 24, 2022 I just got a job as a cuckoo in a cuckoo clock. It’s not the best job in the world, but it gets me out of the house. Shamal and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted February 24, 2022 Share Posted February 24, 2022 Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong socks on this morning Zarrin, Skullchewer, Tactical Pith Helmet and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 25, 2022 Author Share Posted February 25, 2022 Found a nice little restaurant. It's called Peace and Quiet. Kids menu start at £250. Regards Skullchewer, Tactical Pith Helmet and Samurai 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 26, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted February 26, 2022 My wife was fretting about something she'd done today. I told her to embrace her mistakes. She must have been cheered up because her reply was to give me the biggest hug! Zarrin, Shamal, Skullchewer and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enid_Puceflange Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 Here’s a good one……. Airsoft Cardiff best joke I have heard all day 🤦🏻♂️ Skullchewer, Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 27, 2022 Author Share Posted February 27, 2022 While in London last weekend we saw a dog playing the trumpet on the Underground...... It went from Barking to Tooting in half an hour..... Regards Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 28, 2022 Share Posted February 28, 2022 'Sad news that someone fell from the roof of a local nightclub and is seriously hurt,' my wife said reading the morning paper over breakfast. 'Obviously not one of the bouncers,' I thought. Skullchewer, Cannonfodder and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Popular Post Druid799 Posted March 1, 2022 Supporters Popular Post Share Posted March 1, 2022 Jedi_Master, Cannonfodder, Tackle and 4 others 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 3, 2022 Author Share Posted March 3, 2022 I have booked a table for my wife and me for our wedding anniversary....it will all end in tears as she is rubbish at snooker.. 🙂 regards Cannonfodder, Druid799, Skullchewer and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 3, 2022 Share Posted March 3, 2022 My wife claimed she was late coming home tonight because she was ambushed by a group of elderly men who pinned her down and repaired her shoes. Sounds like a load of old cobblers to me. Druid799, Zarrin, Skullchewer and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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